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Maria sobbed as Cathy went on, ‘You are afraid of how you feel for Emerson. You search for reasons to be angry. You look for proof that he will fail you. He hurt you years ago and the scars are still there. Maria, everyone knows Emerson worships you. He wouldn’t discuss Michael in front of everyone because it would have been insulting to you. They’d rather die than lie to you. If you ask the right question, you get the truth or no answer at all. Emerson couldn’t lie to you and he didn’t want to tell the truth, not in front of everyone. He just took his lumps. Everyone respected him for it.’ Cathy smiled. ‘Maria, the ball is tonight and we are going to put Santa Fe on its heels! You should be happy. You’ve got the best man in the country in love with you. What more could you ask? Make up with him tonight. That could be a great time! That is the end of my lecture.’ Cathy was smiling as she finished. ‘I have been looking for a reason to dislike Emerson, Cathy. You are right. It scares. . disappointed by always coming second."I am still wrestling with my thoughts and Jo senses I'm not finished. She pauses and I go on:"When I first came, well, I had no real idea what on earth was going to happen. I mean, how this whole experience could last two months but now I think two months is maybe not long enough ... And I also think that it's different if you are in a happy D/S relationship at home. The girls who are — I guess like Judy — are really lucky. Me? Well, I feel this tension inside about how I will get on with Joe when he gets back and when I'm at home again..."Jo interrupts me. "Those are all good answers, Fifty. It's interesting to see that you are moving towards one of the specially important things which is about anticipation. You were starting to tell me about relationships, which is key in consensual BDSM. But I was after practical things at the moment, in particular to do with anticipation. The best slave isn't one that just obeys orders. It is one that acts.
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